I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
