fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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