i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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