First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dignity is for republicans.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
