He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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