The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
