woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
