they need to just BURY HIM!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
