i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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