hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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