look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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