note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
