i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
