Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
