Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
