I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
