Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize