we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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