my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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