Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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