So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
