As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
