just tell him i said nine months
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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