i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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