He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drunk is not a location!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
