You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
