Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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