so explain again why im purple
no
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
