My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
