Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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