Do you still have your period?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
