Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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