Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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