god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My ass is underappreciated
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
