I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
