Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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