would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
