The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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