dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
