The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
