Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
