i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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