There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So many bounce houses so little time
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Even my vagina gasped.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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