I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
