Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
