oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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