You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
