Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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