So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
