Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
