It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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