i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
