Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you never un-have a 4some
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize