real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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