Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
