well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
