Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found your dick twin last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
