my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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