Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
