if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
