I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
