I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
