There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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