wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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