Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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