Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
