we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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