you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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