Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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