What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
