i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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