Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
