8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
