I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize