Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're too hungover to prance.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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